Who is it that I want?

Today, I interracted with a piece of scripture I rarely read except around Easter time. It's John's telling of Christ's arrest -- a painful scene, no matter when you read it. But here's what hit me...in John 18, Jesus asks the crowd (and maybe me?) "Who is it you want?". When they told him and He answered, "I am he"...THEY FELL DOWN.
Here's what wrecked me,
When was the last time I fell down because I ran smack into the very God I say I follow.
Did Christ know, standing in the garden that night, that I would need to get clear on who I really WANT my savior to be?
Did He know that my heart would beat hard for the Radical, Deliverer, Redeemer, Freedom-maker, Forgiver, and Life-changer?
BUT, my flesh would turn and run away from that very same Jesus?
Searching somewhere else for a safer version of you.
"Who is it you want?"
O, Lord.
Help me know -- today it's You, the revolutionary.
Tomorrow, it may be my safer ideation of who I think you should be.
Save me from myself.
Redeem my wandering heart for something greater than me.
Make me fall down.

I'm Big, You're Small.

The other day, I was hiking in Red Rocks in Las Vegas (these aren't them, these are the Red Rocks of Sedona) and I was reminded that my "stuff", which feels HUGE to me, is actually quite small in comparision to alot of other "stuff". Every time I'm in nature, I gain a better perspectivce on living, loving, and following.
I hear God calling out to me -- through the sky, the redness of the rocks, the roughness of the terrain -- I'm Big, You're Small.

My life means more than just following the routine.
My love has the capacity to move, change, heal, call -- in other people's lives.
My capacity to lead is directly linked to my ability to follow.

When I'm out and about in the world God created,
He always helps me ask the better questions....
Why is it so hard for you to look up and see Me all around you?
When will you stop listening to the lies and really lean into the truth of My love for you?
How will you not end up dragging yourself from one activity to the next again?
What is true, what isn't?
All good questions -- so painful to answer.

Better bundle up, head outside and start figuring it out!

My story.

Like everyone, my story is connected to somebody else's.
For me, there are parents, siblings, nieces & nephews, a few great friends, a church I love, a community that challenges the heck out of me, a husband who has loved me well, and three children.




It's these children that get me every time.
I'm discovering that they are my story, going forward.
So, here they are.
Somedays, the reason for it all.
Most days, my greatest joy.
Others, pull my hair out, what in the world were we thinking,
God, you are so funny, chaos.
Ben.
Mackenzie.
Katie.
Every day teaching me how to B43.